It’s Sunday afternoon, or morning for you, as you are just waking up after a long night of partying and drinking your heartbreak away. You drag yourself out of bed, drink about a gallon of water, and swallow some Tylenol to get rid of your killer headache. You check your phone, and embarrassingly read a total of
four drunk texts that you sent to the guy who broke your heart about — you glance at the calendar — 23 days ago. On Facebook, after stalking your ex’s page, and staring aimlessly at the picture of him and a girl that he was tagged in, you type up a long, drawn out status about how much fun you had last night, and that you absolutely love the single life, in hopes that he will see it. You consider being productive today, but that only lasts for a few minutes before you curl back up into bed to watch Nicholas Sparks movies all day.
I’ve been that girl, you’ve been that girl…. We’ve all gone through the denial stage of a breakup, and that’s okay. But what’s not okay is dragging this stage out, and exaggerating it so much that you avoid the healing and moving on part that is supposed to happen when relationships don’t work out.
For some, denial lasts a few days, and for others such as miss party girl described above, it can lasts for weeks or even months. Girls will often cover up their pain and loneliness with alcohol, casual hook ups, and constant expressions of their pretend “single and ready to mingle” attitude. This is a temporary fix to a problem that needs to be dealt with, and more often than not, it ends up making things worse. You will have to eventually face the fact that these distractions aren’t going to fill the emptiness that results from a break up. Also, another thing… Do NOT think that wearing shorter dresses or making out with your ex boyfriend’s best friend will make him come back to you. He’ll be pissed, which might be the reaction that you wanted, but it will just reassure him that leaving you was the right thing to do.
Whether your motives are getting your ex to come crawling back, or to actually move on from him, there are certain HEALTHY steps that you need to take to accomplish either of these things. First, you need to let yourself grieve. Hiding your pain isn’t going to make it go away; it will only prolong it. Let yourself cry, listen to Adele and Taylor Swift, watch soap operas, and eat ice cream. Allow yourself three days of grieving, and then move on to the next step. Now, you’ve got to delete him from your life. Unfriend him on Facebook, get his number out of your phone, and throw out any reminders of him that you have. It will be EXTREMELY difficult to lose all contact with him, but I promise that it will help you instead of hurt you. Finally, you can begin the healing process. This might take a while, but every day means you’re a step closer to being free of the pain and heartbreak. Do what I did, and use this time to focus on yourself and what you want to work on. Concentrate on your schoolwork, start working out more, read that book that you never got around to, or take up a new hobby. This is when you need to learn how to love yourself and be happy on your own, and once you’ve achieved that, you’re golden.
There are a couple of things that you should avoid on your journey to being happy and single. The absolute MOST important of these is
boys. Even if he’s a really nice guy, you have to stay away, because the fact of the matter is, starting a new relationship before you’re over your ex is only going to bring about another break up, because you won’t be able to completely focus on the new guy. Besides, in that situation, you end up hurting yourself AND him. Once, after a bad breakup, karma threw not one, not two, but three AMAZING guys in my face, but I knew I needed to be by myself. The other thing you should probably avoid is excessive drinking, because alcohol hides the real problem, and can make you more depressed. It can also lead to bad decisions, such as calling your ex at 2 in the morning, which will give him another reason to add to his list of why he broke up with you.
The idea is to change your motives to be focused on the idea of being truly happy with yourself. This won’t just help you, but it may also help you find a better guy in the long run, because what man doesn’t appreciate an independent woman?
Do YOU have any tips on how to move on?