Every single day, millions of people think they are being cunning, clever, or sly by using the most cliché lies in the book to get out of something. Let’s shed some light on some of those, shall we?
1. LIE: “Love her to death, but…”
Wait…so, you love her to death, and then you proceed to say “…she’s a stuck up, whiny, nosy, boyfriend stealing slut.”
What You Really Mean: “Honestly, I wouldn’t really care if she got hit by a car.”
2. LIE: “My parents said that I couldn’t go out….”
Hold the phone. You’re in you’re 20s (maybe). Whether or not you still live at home, this lie barely even worked for you when you were 15 and had acne.
What You Really Mean: “There is nothing in the world that I would want to do less than spend the next 3 hours of my life hanging out with you.”
3. LIE: “No, no! That’s totally fine.”
Yeah, right. How many times a day do you say this while you’re gritting your teeth, breaking a pencil, or internally vomiting?
What You Really Mean: “WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU DO THAT, YOU PSYCHOPATHIC IMBECLINE?!”
4. LIE: “Yeah, It looks totally natural!”
Okay, so you’re friend decided that she was going to start tanning in the dead of winter. Rookie mistake. She might not even deserve the truth.
What You Really Mean: “Oompa Loompa Doo-Ba-Dee-Do.”
5. LIE: “I’ll think about it!”
The only reason people play this card is to get the other person to stop talking. Plain and simply put, it gets the other person to feel a false sense of accomplishment in their persuasion tactics.
What You Really Mean: “Please stop talking, now.”
6. LIE: “I’m on my way!”
Being late to a party or meeting is embarrassing, unless you’re commonly known as the fashionably late one. But, even then, people still secretly hate that person.
What You Really Mean: “Let me brush my teeth, feed the dog, take a shower, watch a movie, pretend to clean my e-mail inbox out, cry, and then I’ll leave.”
7. LIE: “Of course I’m not mad at you!”
Being mad is a very relative thing. Unless you’re the bomb.com when it comes to hiding how you really feel on your face, then you are probably doing this one wrong.
What You Really Mean: “I’m plotting your death.”
8. LIE: “I swear I gave that back to you, are you sure you didn’t lose it?”
Oh boy. You probably borrowed something from a friend or co-worker, and now you’re trying to cover your tracks by throwing all the blame back on them.
What You Really Mean: “OKAY. I CONFESS. I LOST IT/BROKE IT/SACRIFICED IT/ATE IT.”
9. LIE: “I’m going to be productive today.”
Being productive doesn’t usually require you forcing yourself to verbally commit. Productivity comes naturally. Sorry bout it. Just give up on that lost cause.
What You Really Mean: “I’ll probably make my bed and then watch Netflix for 13 hours today.”
10. LIE: “You look fine, seriously.”
You’ve been in the situation where your friend is taking a millennium to get ready, so what do you do? Tell him/her she looks fine without even looking in their direction. They will believe you. Every time.
What You Really Mean: “I couldn’t care less what you look like, because I know I look good anyway, and I’m really freaking hungry.”