Sleeping: An Underrated Bond


“I want to sleep with you.” Now, after hearing that, your initial thoughts are probably along the lines of “I’m about to get laid,” or something of that sort. However, in this modern day and age, the activity of sleeping has transformed into something else; it has become a new form of bonding between two people. I’ll admit, saying that I sleep with someone usually gets me some weird looks, and even some awkward head tilting, but I am here to tell you that sleeping together is not about sex. When I say that I want to sleep with someone, I honest-to-God want to sleep… and possibly cuddle. All of the above, really.

I met someone who is very special to me. We have known each other for almost two years now, and as crazy as it sounds, we clicked from the very beginning. Now, how we met and our relationship is a whole different story, so I’ll skip all of that for your sake. Anyway, so this person – a very dear person to me, has spent countless hours talking to me. While spending some time in Europe, he managed to call me, message me, and he even wrote me a beautiful letter. We Skyped almost daily, talking until one of us would pass out. It was almost like sleeping together, except the physical contact was not there. It was then that I realized I want to sleep with this guy. Yeah, yeah, I know you are judging me, but it was the truth. I simply felt like there was something so magnificent behind just being able to sleep with someone. When a person is asleep, they are in their most vulnerable state, so sleeping together becomes a validation of trust. You wouldn’t sleep with a stranger, would you? No… At least, I wouldn’t.

A couple of months later, he was back in the US, and we were both in the same town. We decided to meet up. The entire night was spent walking around, talking about everything, and just enjoying each other’s company. We chose to watch a movie that night – I don’t really remember what it was, because I fell asleep (my bad). I woke up randomly a little while later, probably from a weird dream or something, and realized that we were sleeping together. Cuddling, even. And in this moment, I realized how much the simple task of sleeping could mean. Feeling the warmth of someone else can be the comfort needed to pinch you from a bad dream, or waking up to that person’s face can instantly make your day so much more wonderful. All this time, I never knew how underrated sleeping together was. I woke up to see the face of someone who I care deeply about, and that right there made everything perfect; it made those long sleepless nights on Skype and those sappy love letters seem all worth it. We weren’t hooking up or even making out – we were just sleeping. This first time, it was kind of funny, because we were both in such disbelief that this was finally happening, so we would both woke up every now and then just to admire the other person. This wasn’t done in a creepy way, nor were we staring for a lengthy amount of time, it was just a second of admiration. This person, who I missed and wanted to be with for so long, was finally in my arms; thus, being the greatest feeling ever.

Okay, so you don’t believe that sleeping can be such an essence binding activity? Well, after admitting all of this to a close friend of mine, she confided in me that her and her significant other spent hours of the day sleeping together when they could, and had even woken up at the very same time on several occasions while in two completely different physical places.

Now, I’m not saying that you should run out and scream “SOMEBODY SLEEP WITH ME,” because honestly, I’m going to judge, and so will everyone else. Instead, save yourself the embarrassment, and wait for that right person to come along. Maybe it’s a friend, or maybe it’s someone you have feelings for. Regardless, sleep together because you want to bridge the gap between your two souls. This doesn’t require or even include hooking up. Actually, I dare you to try it before the hooking up stage in your relationship occurs. Sleeping together like this should take place with someone who you’re emotionally tied to, and someone who is willing to move to this level with you. Do not mistake this activity to be some random act of drunkenly passing out in a  “You’re hot, let’s date” relationship. Rather, it’s for someone you intend to connect with on an extremely deep level. Sleeping involves drool, unintentional farts and noises, and everything in between, so do it with someone who will understand, and someone who will appreciate your flaws and flatulence. Remember, sleeping together is a symbol of trust. Sleeping can be beautiful, just as any other relationship evolving activity like hugging or sex may be, or it can be merely a task.

I’ll leave you with a quote by John Green in Looking For Alaska:

“I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane.”


One Comment

  • thetalker0

    OR instead of asking people to sleep with you, you could just ask them to move in with you. It could be more permanent & consistent that way, just a thought. Then you could be like soul mates? But let’s be real…….

    Since “what I think” is asked for up top, first I applaud your boldness for wanting intimacy and not being afraid to challenge others to find it for themselves. Isn’t that what life is all about anyway? relationships?

    Here is my rebuttal: Does sleeping really bring out true trust & intimacy? Wouldn’t talking “bridge the gap between 2 souls”? I mean isn’t that we have therapist? If sleeping apart or together really made 2 people closer wouldn’t all relationships just be candy & sunshine? I’m not sure you have the answer of true intimacy or VULNERABILITY just because you are so comfortable for him or her to see you in your new PJs, drooling, farting sleeping state. that’s like the easy stuff.

    the make it or break it would be: show this person the parts of your heart that are “asleep” (hurting, real, who you are, fears, dreams) to see if he has what it takes to handle you as a actual friend or lover. Isn’t that what relationships are? I think vulnerable talking is HARDER than the actual state of sleeping “intimacy or trust”.

    There is NO doubt that sleeping can bond two people. hands down agree. But I’d be curious for you to write another blog post to see if you are relationally as intimate as you are sleepover buddies? & then compare pros and cons of both?

    vulnerability is risk. sleeping is not a risk (unless zach chose to attack me in my sleep, which would be normal). talking, sharing, crying, laughing, letting someone carry you through the hardest of times is when I have found someone that I can “connect with on an extremely deep level”.

    Personally, I want to be someone that can do that more than if they sleep on their stomach for the rest of their life. I’d like to see them in the daylight, get naked emotionally, then ask for a sleepover. I think the daylight can bring out a lot in people…

    Good Blog Post!

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