Diary Of A College Girl: What Is Waiting?

As a child, I was always taught that sex was completely off limits for people who were not married. I couldn’t argue with that, because I was 6 years old, and what did I know about sex? As I got older, I started watching more Lifetime movies and saw The Notebook for the first time, and I saw that couples were having intercourse…but weren’t married. It actually made me really frustrated. It blew my mind; why were these people doing that? They’re not married!

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As I progressed further into my teen years, I lost the braces and glasses, and started getting boyfriends. I started dating this one guy, let’s name him “Jack,” during the summer before 9th grade. We hung out constantly, and after awhile, he began to make a move on me. At this point, I had never kissed a boy before. So, he was my first. Then things completely spun out of control. He wanted to get all touchy-feely, and move on to the “bigger things” like other people we knew were all doing. I had always told myself that I’d wait till marriage, because that’s what I was told to do, right?

So, a couple years pass by in our relationship, we progressively move into more things, and I keep telling myself that I’m still pure, and I’m still a virgin because we hadn’t done “IT.” After a solid two years of practicing “everything but” (meaning everything in the sexual realm except actual sex), Jack kept pushing me to go all the way. I didn’t know how to feel about this. I didn’t think he was the right one, because I had always been under the impression that the first time would be something extremely special;  an unforgettable bond. I mean, I had imagined it in a meadow with flowers and sunshine and the perfect guy; but was “Jack” THAT guy? Was his hockey gear scented bedroom that ideal meadow? Ultimately, I said no, so Jack and I broke up.

*wiping sweat from forehead* Gah, glad I dodged THAT bullet.

So, yes, I had saved myself from having sex with this infamous “Jack” fellow. However, it led me to believe that in any relationship thereafter, it was necessary for “hooking up” to occur, since I had done it before. I was used to that lifestyle, and I really didn’t know anything different. This guy after that guy came along, and I continued my “everything but” routine, and was still able to tell all of my friends that I was a virgin when playing Truth or Dare… but was I? By technicality, some of the things that I would do with guys was considered to be ‘sex’… but I didn’t consider them to be that, since it wasn’t…you know, in that spot. So one guy turns into 10, or maybe even 15… I lost count after awhile. I didn’t think too much of it, honestly, especially since I wasn’t going “all the way” like some of my friends were doing. Sadly, the thing is, here I am in college still telling myself that I’m a virgin, and the question still stands today …Am I still a virgin?

 

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celebquote.com

 

So, I have this friend, “Steph,” who has been dating a guy for quite a few years now. They’re a match made in heaven. A couple years into their relationship, “Steph” and “Joe” decided that they were ready to move to the next level and create a closer bond between them, so they did the big deed. They did “it.” The unspeakable “it.” They’ve only ever done anything romantically or sexually with one another, but now that Steph has had sex, I consider myself to be more “pure” than her, since technically, I’m still a virgin.

I oftentimes get teased by my friends for being the “BJ Queen,” and my for room being the “hook-up haven,” but I tell them that I’m still a virgin, and that by technicality, I’m not a whore. So what if I’ve hooked-up with 20-something different guys if it’s not going all the way? It has definitely got me thinking, though. My friends are starting to get engaged to these guys that they’ve been with for years, having had sex with only their partner, and here I am still hooking up with the town’s single male population; doesn’t anyone want to marry me? Or maybe even just date me? These girls who have already had sex with their boyfriends are getting engaged, yet here I am, a virgin, still single as ever. I guess it makes sense, though. Would a guy want a girl who has given it all away to only one person, or would he want someone who has “fooled around” with 20+ guys, without going all the way?

 

Who is more pure now? 

Photo source: positivelyinclined.com

3 Comments

  • Laura

    First off, you’re not alone. This is one of the most conflicting parts of sexuality that our generation deals with. I’m a college student that has also found dating in between high-school and the real world to be a lot more difficult than I expected. I want to mention that it should not matter to you, your friends, or anyone else about how any individual handles their sex life as long as it is healthy. What you have been told aside, I don’t believe anyone is truly more or less pure. I’m sure many people would disagree with me on that but we all make mistakes in different ways. It is natural to compare yourself and make judgements about others but you should make decisions about your own life based only on what you think is right. It is obvious that what you were taught as a little girl is engrained in your mind but I think you should do some of your own soul searching. Does hooking up with multiple guys truly make you happy? Even though you may not want to accept it (I’ve been there, trust me), your outlook on relationships in a lot of ways determines what types relationships come to you. If you start acting as if you are searching for more than a one-night-stand, you will be more likely to find that. My best advice is to simply think more about your actions and what motivates you to do them. Spend more time with boys at your school outside of your bedroom before taking them inside. I have a question for you now. Who is more pure – a girl that has fooled around with a few boys that had no meaning to her or a girl that has given it all away to one boy that she truly loves?

  • shelley

    hey girl, don’t beat yourself up. the sexual endeavors you’ve taken (or haven’t taken) don’t make you who you are, they don’t make you pure or impure or anything like that. you’re putting a little too much weight into what other people think about your own body girl! have sex when you’re ready with whoever you want it to be with, married or not, whatever feels right to you. if want to go all the way with someone or half of the way with someone or none of the way with them, none of that has anything to do with who you are. you’re not a bad person for being a virgin and you’re not a bad person for going everywhere-but. don’t feel guilted into not having sex, but don’t feel pressured into having it either. it’s a personal thing and not a public one. do what feels right for you, because whatever feels right for you IS right!

  • Sam

    First of all, your sexual past shouldn’t be a primary factor of discernment for any guy (aside from the obvious inquiries into how healthy you are and how safe you’ve been.) It’s really none of his business what you have/haven’t done with/without anyone. Your sexual experience level is not and should not be a determining factor in deciding your relationship’s fate. The past is the past, it has passed! It had nothing to do with him!
    Granted, I always say “people get what they put up with” meaning that if you allow someone to treat you a certain way then that is the way that you will be treated. Any guy who is into you and asks about your past is out of line. There is no reason that, should he ask, you provide him with any details about who you’ve been with. It’s none of his business. It has nothing to do with him since when it happened he didn’t exist in your world yet. So what is the point in asking?
    Now if you’re giving out bjs to guys you hardly know well on your average weekend then you’re not earning your reputation any points. I don’t believe in “slut shaming” (if that phrase doesn’t make sense then google it!) and I think you should do whatever makes you feel happy, respected and fulfilled and if you love giving bjs to strangers then go for it. Most likely this isn’t the case though so remember to be discretionary and show yourself respect and a good time first before hooking up.

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