Awkward 101: Seeing Facebook Friends In Public

You recently just became friends with someone on Facebook. Naturally, the first thing that you decide to do is stalk all of their pictures all the way back to 2007; you know, just to get a general “lay of the land” for what they look like (and you’re just a typical Facebook creep like myself). So, you start to look through their wall, comments, statuses, etc. until you finally get bored and call it a day.

So, you’re walking on campus the next day, and BOOM. There’s that person that you were creeping on for 45 minutes last night, only because you had 7 mutual friends, and you maybe thought y’all could get along one day in y’alls nonexistent future. (Side note; a general rule of thumb: Never friend unless there’s 10 mutual friends)

What do you do now? You’ve seen each other. They looked at your profile for half a second, and you know their entire story back to middle school. My advice to you in this situation would be to casually pretend like you either didn’t notice them, or, if you’re not subtle with those kinds of things, just pull out you’re phone and start texting yourself things such as “a;sdlfkja;sldkfjas;f” to make it look like you are in a deep, philosophical conversation. Or, if you would like to attempt to be somewhat friendly, give them that polite “nod” gesture where you halfheartedly smile and make eye contact for about 1.5 seconds, in hopes that you both have a mutual understanding of your relationship.

BUT – what happens when you actually come into physical contact with that person? You can’t just reduce yourself to a puddle of awkwardness and cry. NO. YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THAT. If you are forced to make some sort of contact with said stranger, you should politely say, “Hey, do I know you from somewhere?” Or, if you’re able to think on your feet quick enough, you could also say something along the lines of, “hey, you’re so-and-so’s friend, right?” But, odds are, you’re not going to get that far.

What to never, EVER do: Start randomly talking about something they’ve accomplished in their life, traveled to in their life, or said on their status. You’ve been friends with them for maybe 48 hours. What are you doing with your life if you are able to spew out pointless, mind-numbing facts about these people?

Hopefully, those people won’t mace you in the face, or give you the once-over and then walk away. Usually, people are just as intrigued that you remember them as you are about meeting them. So, buck up, Captain Facebook Stalker! You just get right on back on there and do your thaaaang!

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