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So most of you are 20-somethings, like myself, and I know just how broke a 20-something can be. And in this day and age, Halloween is no friend of the poor. However, being that I’m lame and spend my evenings looking up cheap costumes, I have found the best of the best for under $20 (you’re welcome). It’s time to be more than just “Slutty Cat” or “Cereal Killer”, BUT HOW DOES ONE FIND CHEAP NON-BASIC BITCH COSTUME ALTERNATIVES?!?!?

Well, that my friend, is why I am here to help. You’re on your way to being a little less basic for a lot less money, but first things first – throw away that cat ear headband and corset combo you’ve been putting to use since Mean Girls debuted. For the fellas out there, this means you now have no excuse for any of the usual shitty costumes. Period.

 

Costume One: A Tinder Crush

What You’ll Need: a black marker (preferably washable), a basic makeup kit (fellas: ask your girlfriend or mom for one), bronzer, 2 thrift store dresses

Start by drawing a vertical line down the center of your body. On the left side, leave your face as is (maybe draw on some pimples if you’re just too ~flawless~). On the right side, use a shit ton of bronzer and highlighter (i.e.; cheap white powder eyeshadow) to contour your face Kim Kardashian style. Add tons of make up to make yourself look hot and stuff. Next, cut the two dresses in half. Use the uglier dress on the left, and the hotter one on the right. Use some super basic stitching (or ask aforementioned girlfriend or mom to sew it). Maybe add some stuffing on the right to get those Kim K curves. Basically one side of you is going to be what people see on Tinder, and then the other half is what you look like in reality. Its funny, and soooooooooo relevant.

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Costume Two: The Log Lady from Twin Peaks

What You’ll Need: a frumpy sweater, big framed red glasses, a log, and a perpetual peeved expression.

“That gum you like is going to come back in style.” Thanks to the renewal of David Lynch’s TV series come 2016, so are the characters from Twin Peaks. For those of you on a budget, this one ain’t going to cost you a pretty penny. Choose a knit, earthy-colored sweater from your local thrift store, as well as the firmest and ripest log outta the bunch. Don’t forget to spout out lines like, “one day my log will have something to say about this”, and “my log saw something that night” to anyone that’ll listen.

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 Costume Three: The Bionic Woman

What You’ll Need: a jumpsuit, or a woman’s suit and blouse, a long-haired wig, and some make-up.

Channel your inner super-femme personality while zipping up in a brightly colored jumpsuit, or woman’s suit. Find a fitted blonde-haired wig, apply some makeup, and take on the world as a female cyborg. Hey, if Bill Haverchuck can pull it off, you most certainly can.

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Costume Four: A Polaroid Picture

What You’ll Need: a large-ish piece of cardboard and white spray paint.

This might be the easiest costume of them all, and possibly the funnest. Basically, all you need to do is cut out your piece of cardboard to look like a polaroid picture frame. Then, spray paint it white. Easy enough, right? You can somehow attach it to yourself or just carry it around. Wear absolutely whatever you want with it. And hey, it not only serves as a cool (cheap) costume that no one else will have, but it may also make you the center of attention. Who doesn’t want their picture taken in a life-size polaroid? Polaroids are like so hip, right? Right.

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Costume Five: The Bunny Kid From Gummo

What You’ll Need: Some shorts, tennis shoes, and pink bunny ears

Some people probably won’t understand, but that’s okay. They’re basic.

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Costume Six: American Horror Story’s Bearded Lady

What You’ll Need: Some fuzzy brown cloth (to use for a beard), a stretchy headband, a silky thrift store dress and shawl, and stuffing if necessary.

Start by attaching the beard to your face – either by using string to tie it behind your ears, or whatever home-brewed method you may have. If you’re a dude, start growing a beard! You’ve got time. Next, place the headband around your head. Easy enough, right? Okay. Now throw some stuffing around that stomach if you need it and then slip on your silky dress. If you’re able to score a shawl or have a friend with a kimono (everybody does), now’s the time to put that thing to use. Lastly, practice your bad American/Scottish accent. No one really knows what Kathy Bates was trying to achieve with that, so don’t try to make sense of it. Just do it.

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